|
Post by Boxface on Jul 20, 2011 3:37:41 GMT -5
okayz if anyone doesnt want to post a thread in general for some reason like if you just want to say somthing randim or you dont think its a big enouf topic to have a thread for just poster it here!!!!111 if you guyz like the idea just start postering here LOL i will go ferst okayz!!!!!!!! we were in africa recintly like we do pretty much every summer/winter!!!!! and usually everything is grate and people are very nice!!!!!!!! ACCEPT THIS TIME RACISM HAPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111 FERST THIS RANDIM BOY WHO I THINK WAS OLDIR THEN ME HERD ME TALKERING IN AFRIKAANS TO GREGORY!!!!! HE STARTERED TO CURSE THE HECKZ OUT AT US IN ZULU BECUZ I GESS HE THOT WE COULDNT UNDIRSTAND!!!!!!! ACCEPT THEN GREGORY TOLD HIM 'you are being very offencive, we are all equals' in zulu and the guy stoppered and looked kinda shockered!! BUTZ ANYWAYZ THAT WAS THE FERST TIME I SAW RACSISM UP CLOSE OTHIR THEN THIS ONE TIME MUM HAD TO GET A TAXI FOR AN ABORIGINAL LADY BECUZ NONE OF THE TAXIS WOUD STOPPER FOR HER ACCEPT I WAS PRITTY LITTLE THEN AND DIDNT UNDIRSTAND TO GOOD!!! OH AND ONE TIME SOME PEOPEL SCREAMERED AT MUM AND JEAN-PAUL WEN WE WERE IN JOBURG BUTZ THE WAY MUM///GREGORY///JEAN-PAUL EXPLANNERED IT IT SONDED LIKE IT WAS ABOT MARIAGE??? I DIDNT GETZ THAT ONE LOL. also one time someoen sed somthing abot kelly being coloured when we were in south africa a few years ago and it was in a kinda mean way?? (coloured in south africa means you arent really black like zulu or xhosa but u arent white either!! your kinda mixered lookering!! or indian or asianish or somthing randim or not really bantu!! it meanz a lot of thingys!! and some peoppel are mean to coloureds!!)) BUTZ YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN A FEW DAYZ LATIR JEAN-PAUL WAS WORKERING OUT IN THE WAY OUT CONTRYSIDE AND GREGORY AND ME CAME TO!!! we were walkering arond a village and startered talkering to a shop owner who was afrikaner!! he seemered pretty nice and stuffz!!! ACCEPT THEN HE STARTERED RANTERING ABOT ANC AND BLACKS!!! AND HOW THEY STOLE THE COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND GREGORY GOTTERED SOSOSOSOOOOOO ANGRY IN THE VERY CONTROLLED WAY GREGORY GETZ ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!1111 HE TELLERED OFF THAT MAN SOSOSO GOODZ!! I LOVE U GREGORY!!1 AND HE MENTIONED HOW JEAN-PAUL IS HIS STEPDAD AND HE IS XHOSA!!! AND HOW HE KINDA IS A WAY BETTIR DAD THAN HIS BIO DAD WHO IS AFRIKANER AND DIDNT WANT HIM!! AND HOW OUR SIBLINGS ARE HALF BLACK!!!!!! well that man startered screamering and stuffz!!! AND HE CALLD GREGORY A K****R BOETIE (((I AM NOT TYPERING THE K WORD IT IS VERY BAD WORD!!! IT IS LIKE THE N WORD IN ENGLISH!!))) wich is k****r lover!! WICH IS VERY RUDE RACSIST AND BAD!!!! WE LEAVERED IMMEDIATELY AND FINDERED JEAN-PAUL AND IT WAS VERY BAD AND SCARY!! WHY IS THERE RACISM? ??//////
|
|
|
Post by Sigvard_the_Swede on Jul 21, 2011 20:16:20 GMT -5
wow, i am sorry for you and the racisme. i am suprise that you are nevre see it before becuase people are always tell me, the australiens, man, they are vary raciste and they are not even realise. i am only go to australia one time, so i am not really know if this is true, even. i am try hard not to being the raciste and judging people, but this is complete ignored if it is russiens we are talk about. i am nevre once meeting a russien who is not the douching bag, the loud and annoy, and very raciste about african, asien, other not white. the finns are not good, they are to close to the russia and have the terribal russien spirit, you are know?
many hungariens also are the raciste, aboute the gypsys. this is vary annoy to me, i am love the gypsys, they are funny, good party type, interesteng. so screwing to raciste magyar.
i am sorry gregory is afrikaner, this is true that many of them are vary raciste, extreme annoy. many people are judging of afrikaners.
aboute me, many things are happen that are vary depress to me and i am not wishing to talk aboute yet. insted i will tell of the wondrefull cars i have now. longe, depress story but my acconts are open to me now so am finally buy the good cars i was to be wanting. last novembre i am buy ferrari 458 italia in red. i was not exactly thinking to buy this car at ferst, but then i am get inside and it is like dream, with the amaze engine, the racing car sounds, i was love the car. then lamborghini aventador is come into productien, so i am buy immediate becuase they are only make a few and they sell out extreme fast. this car is amaze, beste, i am love the aventador. mine is dark blue, vary sexy.
also i am buy a silver mercedes sls amg becuase i am just see it in dealre ship one day and i was feel like buy it. this is also good car. then mothre is insist that i am needing 'casual' car to drive becuase i cannot be driving vary expense cars evrywhere. i was vary annoy aboute this, becuase i selled my porsche 911 and my bmw becuase i was not wanting to drive cheap luxury cars any more. but mothre is insist, so i buyed a bmw alpina, but i am not liking it vary much and, incredible, mothre is say this is not 'casual' car and i need to try this again.
i am in london rihgt now, i am drive from stockholm to paris becuase i wanted to take the aventador on the autobahn, and then i am take it on the train with me to london.
|
|
|
Post by Boxface on Jul 22, 2011 1:25:11 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Sigvard_the_Swede on Jul 22, 2011 1:40:53 GMT -5
what in the demon? i am just check privete messages and stupid christian boy sended me stupid thing of 'you are need to be christian, you are go to die and then go to the hell.' fucking to that, i am happy he was ban.
haha, my fathre is definite still live. i mean he is a stupid hole in the ass much of the time, but recente we are getting along well, that stuff. i woul'dnt be happy if were dye, and i would to tell you if he did.
i am still not exacte ready to speak of this stuff that is bothre, but there is one bad, annoy thing that i will to post aboute. a few days past i am visit clinic for checking up, as i am having to do evry six weeks or whatevre becuase i am worry aboute the health. evrything was going as normal, livre is fine, head is okay aftre i am hit it on car while drunk, no kankussien or any thing. but then, ferst time evre my testing for infectiens is not coming back clean. well, eccepting two years ago when i was have, i do not know the englisch word, dictienary says 'lice' but i am thinking that is not the exacting word. that was easy to fixing, though, no extra medisine or any thing, just the shampoo.
i am extreme upset, annoy aboute this thing, the name i am not know in englisch. it is not one of the vary bad ones though, it can cured. i was used to be called 'lucky sigvard' and people would be rubbing my pants for good luck, haha, becuase i am nevre having any infectiens. i am always use the condom, so this is helping, but i am convinse i used to be lucky. now i am not the lucky any more. the good thing, they are give me medisine, it will be cured, all that. but i am annoy. they are catch early, so it is not terribal, disgust yet, but i am feel disgust thinking aboute.
|
|
|
Post by Boxface on Jul 22, 2011 2:02:55 GMT -5
oh no that is very badz!!!!!!!!1111 i am sorry about your problim!!!!!!!!! max used to getz ear infections so i kno how anoying those thingys can be!!!!!!!!
I ALLSO HAVE A HEALTH PROBLIM NOW SO WE CAN COMPLANE ABOUT IT TOGETHER!! LOL. ANYWAYZ ACORDING TO THE DOCTOR ((who is NOT jean-paul by the way!! LOL he thinkz it is bettir for us to have a doctor that is not him becuz that woud just be wierd and anoying!!)) i have DELAYED MENSIS!!! SO BASICLY IM NOT MINSTRUATING (((WICH IS THE ACTUAL WORD FOR BLEEDERING WICH IS WAT I KEPT CALLING IT UNTIL MUM HERD ME AND MAKERED ME USE THE REAL WORD WICH IS APARENTLY MINSTRUATING!!))) wich i kinda shoud be now that im 16 or somthing crasy like that. kelly is minstruating and she is two years youngir than me!!
the good newz is i have othir pubirty thingys that have happened??? so probibly im not infertil or anything lol. they sed its probibly becuase im a runner and have a real thin build!! allso mum startered kinda late so it is my jeans to maybe!!!!!!11 =DDD
|
|
|
Post by Sigvard_the_Swede on Feb 1, 2012 18:09:19 GMT -5
matilda are you changing the numbre of mobile? stupit what's app is to tell me that it cannot to send sms at you.
|
|
|
Post by Boxface on Feb 10, 2012 19:56:43 GMT -5
OMGZ SIGVARD I AM SOSOSO SORRY ABOT THIS STUPID SITUATION!!! WAT HAPPENED IS MUM HAD TO CANCIL ALL OUR MOBILE SERVISE BECUZ OF A SITUATION!!!!!1 pecifically the situation was our mobile company place did somthing crasy and notz okay with the contrack we had!! and was going to charger us like MILLIONZ OF DOLLARZ ALL OF A SUDDEN OR SOMTHING LIKE THAT!!!!!!! OVIOUSLY THAT WAS NOT OKAYZ!!!! mum cancilled our servise right awayz becuz she was mad butz she couldnt get a new contrack with a diffrent company in time!! so basicaly we havent had workering mobiles for like two weekz becuz evrything is takering so long!! LOL WELL ACTIALLY IT ISNT THAT FUNNY BECUZ ITS REAL REAL INCONVINIENT FOR EVRYONE SO YEAH! ALLSO YOU COULDNT CONTACTZ ME!! WICH ISNT SO GRATE! lol ANYWAYZ WE HAVE SERVISE NOW BUTZ I AM GETTERING A NEW PHONE ((FINALLY!!!!1)) AND SO RIGHT NOW I DONT HAVE A PHONE! SO IF U NEED TO TALK I AM ON MAGICLANS!!! I LOOKERED FOR U ON SKYPE BUTZ U KEEP NOT SIGNING IN?? AND REMEMBIR gregory sed NO i could not frend you on facebook even tho he is frends with you?? so yeah i could not talker to you that way either (( ((((((lol on anothir note i have no idea why gregory doesnt want us to be fb frends!! he wouldnt tell me why except that it woud upset me!! lol silly gregory!! he is probibly jealous and just doesnt want to admit it becuz he is to perfect to be jealous!!)))))
|
|
|
Post by Sigvard_the_Swede on Feb 10, 2012 23:27:18 GMT -5
aha okay i am undrestanding of mobile situatien. i am sorry for you, that must be the annoy. the facebook thing, it is probable my foto albums, i am doing lots of things in them that are, you know, craze party thing. you woud not like this. drug, drink, girl, rude hand signals, you are know.
i am sorry to you for being so long in tell this story that is below.
anyway, i was try to find you desperite, becuase of bad turning my life is take. i am in needing of the cheer up, the advising, all this. when i am thinking to myselfe, who is the persen who is most happy of all that i am know, who will not to judge me, i am think of matilda. actual, it is good i am having to poste this on magiclans. i am think, this will be good..i am not knowing in english, but in svenska it is katarsis, i am lern this word from sychology becuase of studies of ebba (usch då!..). all the peopel in real life, they are sick of my complanings. i am just wanting someone to listen, and undrestand.
so, as you are know, life is not so great lately. things are start to have problim in 2010, fathre is go craze and make famos plan of his to fix me into bettir son. at ferst i am hate ebba, hate kolya stupid fiance of hers, all kind of these problim. then, things are get bettir, ebba and me are learn to get along and to hide mischieving, partys for me and kolya for her, from our fathres. then there was issue becuase i am start to, you are know, likeing ebba in horney manner. ebba is total to ignore my flerting, this was terribel becuase no woman has ever resist me before, so this was vary bad for my self steam. i am figure, i do not care, plan will be ovre, we will not see each othre anymore when autum comes.
eccept no, our fathres are really liking the plan, they are decide, we are no more being punisched, but they will pay us to continuing to 'date'. becuase we both really are wanting money (demon fathre is still not open acconts at that time), we are agree. well, in the august, ebba is sudden haveing horribel fights with kolya. she is mad at him for drink to much, waste her money on alcool, not look for good job, be not vary careful aboute being caught by immigratien police (remembre he is not have currant visa). he is tell her that she is too nosey, she is suspecting he has othre girlfrend, she is kick him out, she is let him back in, blah blah you are know how this goes.
we are walk in park one night, she is start to crye aboute stupid demon kolya and all the bull shit he is do. i am comfert to her, tell her she is too good for this, why is she let him be so terribel. this was not even aboute liking ebba, this was just trying to be nice. sudden, she is cry even hardre and telling me all this things about her child hood, about maybe she is stay with kolya becuase he is like her fathre, aboute how much she is missing her mothre who is dye years ago, aboute how all this is making her grades to drop at univarsity and she is worry. she is then jump into arms of mine and say 'oh sigvard, you are undrestanding of bad fathres, and you too are having dis functioning relationships. you are the only one who gets it. and you are the only one who is always there for me. i did not want to eccept this before, but i think i really like you" and then sudden she is kiss me. i was vary surprise but also vary happy, i am tell her i have been wanting to be with her but she is not realise, we are laugh at how stupid we were, we are become boyfreind/girlfrend.
well, what happen next is vary strange, you know. we are together for like two weeks, and final she is ready to sleeping with me. i had been wait for months and was going craze. but i was figuring, aftre this, we would have to brake up, becuase i would no longre be caring. eccept, the morning aftre, i am feeling even more feelings for ebba! and they are not even feelings of being horney, they are, i am not even know how to describeing, like feeling of wanting to talk to, make happy, just to be with. what in the demon? i am think. and these feelings are not go away.
so i am tell fathre that ebba and i are not wanting pay anymore, that we are really togethre now. he is open my acconts in novembre, and i am buy lots of thing, it is vary amaze, life is fantastik.
this is continue until maybe, begin of may 2011. ebba and i are having problim all through the spring. she is getting frustrate becuase of my partying life style, i am get angry for her try to stop me. she is likeing the partys, but only like twice in a month. i am loveing the partys, and i am need them most days of the week. she is tell me it is irrasponsible, that i am drink too much and hurt body, that when i am drunked she doesnt like me, that getting drunked could make me get hurt or othre bad things are happen, that black out is not good, that i could be cheat on her and not even know it wile i am drunked. she is also angre about the drugs, she is really not like drugs too much, is try to explane to me why drug trade is bad and violant, and stuff i am not care about. she is tell me that kokain is kill my brain, destroy body, i will get addict, complaneing about othre drugs but especial the kokain. also she is not happy aboute my frends, and is tell me that my frends are not good for me.
mean wile, i am upsetting with her too. she is study for univarsity all of time, even when she is not have to. she is always do all extra things in class, even though she all ready has VG grades (this is the best grade). she is study intead of spend time with me, so i am going to partys, and then she is mad becuase i left her alone to go to the partys. i am tell her to spending less time on the univarsity and she is get so mad, tell me i have prioritey in life all wrong, that i am not care about importent things, that she cannot have serious conversatiens with me becuase i am not know about world, maybe i should go to univaristy instead of partying. i was insult by this. she is also criticking of my politic and my "kapitalist greedyness." final, i was annoy becuase i am sit through all her vary bore activity, like forein film, cheese taste, meet her bore friends, and she is nevre agrreing to do my activity, like football match, long fast car drive, getting to know MY friends.
in may, she is tell me to get out of her flat (i was liveing most of the time in her flat sinse febuary) and that we were broken up for evre. i was tell her i was not care, i nevre wanted relatienship, i was going to have big party that night so ha ha and she is cry as i walk away. i did not even feel bad, i was go and get drunked and then have craze night immediate. for a few weeks i am not even think about the brake up, i am total fine. then one morning i am wake up and i am hanged ovir and i am start to cry and cry. i am miss her so much. yes, me, sigvard, who is use to say, 'i will nevre be in a relatienship, i do not want it,' and 'i already know what love is, it is erektion.' well guessing to the what, i am heart brokened over this relatienship, and i am figure out, final, that love is not the sex.
then i went through period of my infectien, that was terrible, almost like punishment for too much party. i did not even know you could have too much party, but i think i did have too much the month aftre brake up. then, in the late august, it is almost time when ebba and me are come togethre as couple. i am feel vary sorry for myself, evrything is terribel. then sudden, mobile rings and it is ebba. she is tell me, 'sigvard, my grandmothre is sick' and is crying. well, i am know grandmothre of ebba, i have met sevral times, for some reason she is really like me and i am like her too, she is funny old lady. apparent her grandmothre is sick and delusioning and is keep asking for nice stockholmarn boy that is make her laugh. so i say i will come and i go to karlskoga and see her grandmothre.
as we are sit in waiting room, ebba is cry into my chest and i am let her, i am hold her, try to comfert. final, her grandmothre is dye. ebba says i can go, but i am tell her i want to stay for funeral. she is run to my arms, cry even more hard, say that i am so nice, she is so greatful. then she says, i think i was to be wrong. i am misjudged you. ja maybe someone like kolya can talk to me aboute euro crisis but i cannot see him to bothre to see grandmothre, sit with me while i am cry, stay for funeral. there is more to life than book. maybe we are belong togethre. then i am tell her aboute my horribel months with out her, aboute party too much, maybe to learn a lesson. we are start kissign and we are back togethre.
at ferst, everything is amaze. we are go great. we go to caribean island sankt bartholomeus ovre a school holiday, i teached her how to drive (she is vary bad ha ha), my mothre is visit us and she is really like ebba, on st lucia day ebba is dress as sexy lucia and then we are get drunked on glögg, and i am even spending christmass with her family.
but on the new year, that is when things start to become bad again. ovre the autum, i was force myself to party less becuase of ebba, and i am only party on weekend and not as craze as usual. but i am guess this only builded up inside of me and maked me go really craze for new year. ebba was want to have fancy new year dinner with frends, but i was tell her i am really need to go to gient new year party so i could be watching ovre mine friend rasmus (wich is part true, actual, i will tell more aboute rasmus othre time). she is let me go, but is not happy, is tell me i cannot go the craze. well i am go totil craze, was vary bad. i am come home at noon next day still drunked and high, and the fotos all ready were on facebook and ebba is see. she is vary vary angre.
than we are start to fighting about the same issues of before, things are get werse and werse. some time we have good night and every thing is okay, but most of time ebba is angre. i was try to making up with her, and got reserve at good restraunt, i telled her we were to going out that night. but night before the dinnre she is tell me 'i cannot to do this any more. we are better to be braked up. you are have to be leaving.'
well, fucking to every thing! this was aboute one week past that this is happen. and i am want to dye. this is the werse i am ever feeling, werse then the ferst brake up becuase things were so much bettre this time, at lease until january, and becuase this time i was apreciate so much more, was undrestand true meaning of relatienship.
i am not knowing what to do, i am just want ebba, but she is not even talk to me. my frends are sick of ebba dramatics that nevre end in mine life, they are just tell me to go out and party, forgett ebba and find othir girls to sleep with like in before. they are not undrestanding. parents of mine are not even undrestand, they are just say peopel come and go, you are have to be dealing with this, stop complane, you have a good life. i am just sit in my flat (i buyed big luxurey flat here in stockholm last year), waching bad tv programme, eating the blodkorv and iced cream, crying, smoking the marijauna, lissening to idiote neighbors play the bad musik, feeling sorry for me and wondreing, why does all this have to be happen to me.
tell me, what am i supose to be doing with all this bad stuff? i feel so sad in my chest, and i am not even undrestanding how i can to feel this bad. what is happen to me, aj, where is young, happy sigvard to have gone?
|
|
|
Post by Boxface on Feb 11, 2012 2:09:11 GMT -5
wow i dont even kno where to beginner on this one SIGVARD THAT IS PRITTY MUCH THE SADDEST STORY I HAVE EVAR EVAR EVAR HERD!!!!!!1 i mean okayz storys abot disasters like in haiti and stuffz is sadder butz u KNO WAT I MEAN! I MEAN THAT ROMANSE AND LOVE ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AND SAD STORYS ABOT THOSE THINGS EFFECT ME REAL REAL BAD!!!!!!!!! i just kinda cant beleive how BADZ AND TERRIBLE THIS IS SIGVARD!!! I AM SOSOSOSO SORRY FOR YOU AND I WISH THIS WASNT HAPENING TO YOU!!!! you are a GOOD PERSIN and dont desirve stuff like this!! if i believered in god i woud be sosososo MAD at him/her rite now becuz this kinda stuff is not okay to do to nice people like u!!!! i dont kno wat is wrong with ebba butz she is real dumb if she doesnt like u! lol okayz i get the part where she is mad at u abot drugs becuz DRUGS ARE VERY VERY VERY VERY BADZ FOR U AND MAKER U GO COMPLETLY CRASY AND U SHOUD NEVAR EVAR DO THEM (((AND I WISH U DIDNT DO THEM SIGVARD))) butz still!!! just becuz someone takes drugs does not mean u get to screamer at them and go crasy!! that is a huge rule in my life and on magiclans!! the rule that u dont get to judge people for stuffz and screamer at them!! OTHIRWISE I WOUD HAVE TO SCREAMER AT AND BE RUDE TO PEOPLE I CARE ABOT JUST BECUZ THEY DID THINGS LIKE DRUGS!!! LIKE AUNT LEAH APARENTLY!! AND EVEN KAI LIKE TWO MILION YEARS AGO!! lol aftir i found out abot that stuff by mistake i kinda freakered out abot it but mum calmered me down and reminded me of NO JUDGING!!!!!1 anywayz lol i was also anoyed that ebba yellered at u to go to uni and said kolya was basicly smarter than you!! becuz GUESSER WAT EVEN I KNO THAT GREGORY IS LIKE TWO MILION TIMES SMARTER THAN ME AND GUESSER WAT AGEN!! WE HAVE A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP!! SO THAT IS STUPIT and it makered me MAD AT EBBA!!! i really wish i coud give u better advise sigvard!!! but ive nevar had to deal with a breakup!! and neither has gregory or kelly so they cant even help u there!! ALL I CAN DO IS SAY IM REAL REAL SORRY AND I WISH I NEW ABOT THIS BEFORE SO I COUD HAVE HELPERED YOU FEEL BETTER OR GIVVEN U ADVISE OR SOMETHING!!!!1
|
|
|
Post by Sigvard_the_Swede on Feb 22, 2012 23:38:51 GMT -5
thanks you just to try, matilda, i am undrestanding that you are not know what to do aboute this. i am not knowing eithre.
manely, i am just sit in flat feel sorry for me and hateing evrything else.
|
|
Henry Rimbaud.
Junior Member
My best friend's step-sister made me join
Posts: 79
|
Post by Henry Rimbaud. on Mar 29, 2012 3:43:19 GMT -5
Ah oui, my tender heart bleeds profusely in the face of your unfathomable pain, so truly unrivalled by any other sorrow on this blessed Earth. No one ever in history has seen a short-lived, superficial, and ultimately meaningless relationship wither up and drift away. Do at least pretend to assess your sorry situation with a shred of realism. Did you for one moment in this pathetic charade of a "relationship" bother gazing into the future beyond the next hour or so? Because I am quite seriously struggling to imagine a situation in which this disparate, discordant fiasco of a "partnership" could perpetuate itself for any longer than, at the very most, a couple sour wastes of years.
Why a poised young woman in the throes of achieving her university degree would willingly engage with a swill-soaked, ignorant Lothario for longer than a meaningless minute-long flirtation is beyond me, I admit. I truly cannot understand why anyone with such obvious intelligence, elegance, courage, and beauty would waste time on someone so unequal to their glorious prowess. But ignoring however your tawdry affair began, assuming the foolish girl gave into a passing indiscretion, it seems obvious that it was branded with an expiration date from the start. She at some point stirred from her beguiled daze and realized she did not, in fact, adore a mortal with an ass's head. It is the natural end. You have no choice but to accept it and cease your petulant moaning and whingeing. And lest you forget, it is considered preferable to love (though truthfully I am loth to apply such a word to your circumstances) and lose than never to love at all, the latter option being almost a certainty in my miserable future, as things stand.
Perhaps it is too quixotic to dare dream that you should ever realise this, but some of us really are suffering, you know.
I am presently wallowing in the mire of university decisions, and my current situation weighs upon me like great stones upon a feeble insect, whereas I feel confident in generously daring to assert that our Swedish friend's most pressing worries are like a bothersome housefly or two in comparison.
It was a dear hope of mine, a glittering star on the horizon of my dark night of the soul, so to speak, that it would be university admissions that delivered me from the casual cruelties and emotional sickness that haunt this dreadful house. In a foolish and rare instance of optimism, I allowed my twisted, shadowed soul to imagine the forging of a new and beautiful life in the balmy climes of Melbourne. A city of dreamy afternoons by the lapping sea that are spent perched on cafe terraces, letting poetry flow as abundantly from one's pen as does sugar and white coffee into the pretty cups. Of neverending Fridays wrapped in the billowing clouds of jasmine that drift through the botanical gardens. Of artists that freely walk the streets and let loose their feral howls of ugly beauty and stupid genius! Of flashing discotheque lights and the lithe, gorgeous, flaming bodies moving beneath them, beckoning like peacock to peahen.
What idylls. And yet what follies. My dream of taking Victoria by storm with Gregoire on my arm were dashed blindly against the rocks this past evening, when the University of Melbourne very curtly informed me via email that my candidacy had been found lacking, that they were sorry (oh, I am sure) but I was to be barred from their particular ivory tower. Gregoire of course was embraced with joyous arms, but that is to be expected. The dear golden boy has of course been offered a place at every institution to which he applied, as he rightly should, for his brilliance is astonishing and almost frighteningly beautiful in its perfection. He was accepted to his choice school, in fact.
I was too, incidentally, the school in question being ANU. But moi, trapped at ANU like a rare butterfly pinned under a suffocating pane of glass and gawked at by boorish humans? It is practically out of the question. Alas, the only other school I would even consider attending is University of Sydney, but oh, I cannot even entertain such an idiotic suggestion. That school does not draw me in the least, and nor does the city it is located in. Besides that, its undergraduate program is inferior. Considering my wretched circumstances, iniquitous and delirious suggestions swarm my head like either vultures tempting me into my destruction or otherwise like desperate moths sent from some happier place that seek to save me even through distasteful means. The thoughts tell me I ought to flee this place, abandon my current life and become a survivalist hermit who through existing in a state of perpetual near-death discovers the true meaning of art and life. Or otherwise I should abandon my fate to strangers, allow myself to be picked up along the side of the road and driven south to Melbourne, where there I will make my way as a beggar and a whore, sustained only by bread scraps and whiffs of art in the air.
In any case I cannot stay in this house, which is where I will be held against my will as an ANU student, as all residents of the ACT are expected to commute from home instead of occupying precious residential space. Mon Dieu, perish the thought. This house, where my mother and father reside, despite their bitter disputes, perpetually looming threat of a vicious divorce, and their seeming lack of respect for one another or the spiritual welfare of their children. To continue living in the same house as my father, who:
- spends the vast majority of his time staring into the buzzing electric chatter of the television set as it broadcasts endless football games, emerging only to fetch more alcohol or crisps, vocalizing only in screams of indignation or bellows of approval directed toward the proceedings, and throwing a tantrum if anyone dares to ask that he reduce the volume to a duller roar or inadvertently blocks any portion of the screen, because he 'work all bloody day and then comes home and get no bloody respect,' a declaration that is usually followed by him throwing down the crisps bowl and shutting off the television and demanding to know if everyone is happy now -invites dreadful people over that he calls friends who either sit with him screaming at the television set or loudly ask him why his son is still so short and thin and uninterested in sport because really they could not imagine a more tragic thing for David of all people to have to deal with -attempts to bully me into joining various sports, into eating more, into pursuing 'more appropriate interests' such as automobile repairs and playing video games, and becoming irritated that I do not enjoy any of those things -tells me not to bake things because it embarrasses him -asks me why I write and tells me he will not assist me in paying back my FEE-HELP loans unless I go into something 'useful' like engineering or accounting, and regularly derides Australia for even bothering to offer university programs in ridiculous things like philosophy and English -asks me why I cannot be normal -refuses to attend family therapy sessions because he claims the counsellor's only goal is to excoriate and humiliate him -fully intends to vote to install Tony Abbott as PM, and once defended Pauline Hanson as 'having some good ideas, just not having the people skills to communicate them' -regularly whinges about 'boat people' -wonders aloud at why homosexuals cannot just be content that no one is tossing them in jail instead of 'throwing a fit' over wishing to get married, and insisting that he doesn't really care who is partners with who as long as they do not try to call it marriage and do not 'rub it in [his] face' by 'being blatant in public' and/or 'acting really, you know, gay gay' -takes pride in not having read a book since he left school -asks me when I am ever going to get a girlfriend -when he doesn't happen to be actively annoyed with us, he pretends nothing is wrong with our family interactions and nauseatingly attempts to ingratiate himself with us by spontaneously announcing a wish to volunteer at the school or offering to take us out to nice restaurants, and getting annoyed when such gestures fail to fix instantly everything that is wrong
My mother, at the very least, does not do anything this flagrantly obnoxious on a regular basis, apart from urging me to dress and act 'like a normal boy' under the guise of being concerned about my social life or lack of it, but she allows my father to do all of this without comment. And when she does comment, it is always an action taken merely as an extension of her own boiling irritations with the man, instead of out of true concern over what he is saying. This house, with the people in it, is a cursed place.
My withered little soul, my tortured artistic spirit, my flayed heart...I cannot bear much more of these undue burdens.
|
|
|
Post by Sigvard_the_Swede on Jan 17, 2014 16:21:41 GMT -5
er, wow, i am not undrestanding much of this, but it is sounding like your fathre is the ass hole. so is mine. so, i am sorry aboute that. it is a demon thing.
but just becuase fathre of yours is the ass hole does not mean you have to be the ass hole. just to say. i am trying to not fight with you but ja i am just saying, i feel a littel bad for you aftre to read this, but you still piss me off, and you maybe should to treat peopel bettre, how you would wanting to be treated.
any way. i was just to post here becuase this is the general thread and i just thinked this would be the intresting thing to post. a few months past, one of my old schools, lundsbergs, actual was shut down for a while becuase of the bullying. they were close down by the goverment several days for the inspectien aboute 'haze' and bullying. it was vary wierd to think of lundsbergs being closed, it has a vary good reputation and all this. but it is true, it was at this school that i was encountre many bullyings. well, not to me. in the begining, yes, becuase they hit and bully all the new student. but then when the older ones realised i was cool and stuff, they stopped to do this. but ja, i am knowing that they really did hurt some peopel, they threw one boy in my year into the ice lake in januari and his heart almost was stop and he was go to the hospitel and nevre came back to school. but, the school said it was an accident. it was not until this year that some one was to report this bullying, aboute how students were getting 'haze' by being burned with irons and going to the hospital and this stuff.
it was just intresting and wierd, but i am guess maybe the bully problem will be less now. i think it is good to have some haze, that is just life, but you should not to beat people until they are bleed evrywhere, or throwing them into the ice lake, or iron burning them, that is just the horribel i think.
|
|